Can’t Sleep

Ugh, my mind is racing about things that have happened this evening, and because of it I cannot sleep.  Granted, this is the topic that I didn’t want to talk about in the previous post, but hopefully by doing so, I’ll be able to sleep.  Hopefully.

Today, I noticed Colleen’s most recent post on her website.  Hell, I even left a comment.  Obviously, I’m not a dumb cookie, and figured that she was dating someone.  No biggie.  So, we went out to dinner tonight (previously planned), and of course the topic of who she was dating came up.  Needless to say, I knew she was long before her post, and hell, I even knew who (I’m so proud of myself).  Then I dropped her off at her place and headed home.

Wow, that’s when something horrible hit me.  I don’t know why, but it hurt.  What makes it even worse was that, in my mind, there’s no reason it should.  I mean, it has been 5 months since we broke up.  This sadness then, in turn, made me quite angry.  I mean yeah, I’ve cared for no one as much as her, but still, its been close to half a year.  We’ve both gotten on with our lives.  Why am I still feeling this way?  When will it end?  I don’t want to not be her friend or not hang out with her because of these screwed up feelings I’m having.  But then again, we all know how well bottled up feelings go over (haha).

I really don’t know what else to say about it, nor what to do, it’s quite aggravating.  I’m not really sad about it anymore, but whenever I lay down to sleep I just see her and this other guy.  That cannot be healthy.  Maybe by getting it out of my system by writing it down here will help?  Man, I hope so, otherwise work tomorrow is going to be extremely rough.

Categorized as life